One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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