I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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