winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
