dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
