Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I am midnight drunk by noon
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
tell me about the fingering
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
