you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
