I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
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