He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
