My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize