oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
