Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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