I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
