Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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