Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
