Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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