You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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