I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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