I like my sex mixed with concussions.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
