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conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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