was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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