pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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