This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just found puke in my bra..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
