normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
