I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
