So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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