I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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