mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
MIDGETS
????
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
