is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize