Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
