is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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