so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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