I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
