I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
