I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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