Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
