They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
