i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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