I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
