You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
