she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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