I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
