we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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