I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
