hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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