Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
