What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
