I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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