Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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