Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
