Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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