At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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