it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
