You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
