That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Drake has all the answers
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize