i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
