My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
