and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
