DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
