I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
