so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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