her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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