The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
