I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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