I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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