The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You took a bar mat shot.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize