i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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