I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
