Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
wow bdsm is so cute
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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