It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
