My nipple is on Facebook.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
