I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize