Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
