My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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