I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
